Parents: Wake UP!

by Mike Gange

Honey, We Lost the Kids: Re-thinking childhood in the multimedia age

by Kathleen Mc Donnell

Second Story Press, $19.95, 191 pages

When Toronto writer Kathleen McDonnell says "We lost the kids" she is not talking about the panic inducing nightmare of letting go of a toddler’s hand in a crowded shopping mall. Ms. McDonnell says parents have to wake up and realize they are living in a world with major changes happening, and the old rules no longer apply. Unless we re-think our values in the fast changing world, she says, we are likely to lose contact with kids and destroy their confidence in us as parents, teachers and a society.

But unlike the generation gap the once-baby boomer generation- now parents, were likely to experience as young teens, this time the blame is squarely on the shoulders of the parents, those same baby boomers, says Ms. McDonnell, a Chalmers Award-winning playwright. Ms. McDonnell has written several other books including Kid Culture and The Nordlings.

Many of those baby boomers, turned parents, want different life experiences for their children but still cling to some of the 1950's parenting values, says Ms. McDonnell. Some, who once espoused the hippy culture, now find their counter culture values and credentials are only sartorial, donned like the new clothing in the fable "The Emperor’s New Clothes." Today’s kids see through us and know something different is out there.

Ms. McDonnell says part of the gap is shown in how those kids born since the mid-1980's – and that includes all those in public schools today – idolize or identify with wrestler "Stone Cold Austin" or pop singers like "Posh Spice." Things the parents find really goofy are really cool to the kids, she says. And this conviction, this deep down feeling that something is "cool" to the kids, stems from these kids being much more savvy than generations that went before them.

Today’s kids are more knowledgeable about the larger world. They watch the TV news when it is on at six o’clock, often sitting right beside their parents. This news is full of graphic details of world conflicts or neighborhood crime scenarios. As parents, we let the kids into a world where police action against prostitution is discussed and where pictures are shown of rival biker gangs fighting over territorial turf but we don’t take the time to talk to the kids about these as societal problems, if we talk about them at all.

Likewise, the kids daily hear off colour language from their peers, from their music and movies and sometimes from their parents. Although the kids might know it is not decent to use the foul talk, they have a more casual attitude towards profanity because they have no real idea that it is an obscenity.

Ms. McDonnell says kids today are more aware of brands and labels than their older siblings might have been. Not only do they want the latest clothing, but they want the jeans to say "The Gap," the sweatshirt to say "American Eagle" and the underwear to say "La Sensa Girl."

Ms. McDonnell writes, "It is clear these kids are growing up in a global culture, sharing the same pop icons, coveting the same consumer goods."

It is ridiculous to blame any one aspect of today’s media for this change, says Ms. McDonnell. Hollywood is not the culprit, since the kids can see the same content on video or cable TV. Kids want to be interactive on computers and the Internet; playing with Legos or Barbies is just not as cool. Kids define their pop culture from reading Cosmo Girl and Teen People. Meanwhile, marketing targets demographic groups like Tweens (those 8-12 year olds) and even toddlers because any money they do have is 100% disposable.

Ms. McDonnell is a great observer of where kids today are. She is in touch with the consumer culture that many kids embrace. Her description of what kids are doing and wanting is accurate and brutally honest, sometimes from her own observations as a parent, sometimes from what she sees happening in Toronto. In short, she paints a good picture of how today’s generation are different from other generations.

Mike Gange teaches Media Studies and Journalism at Fredericton High.